She's beautiful as usual

Wed, 26 Aug 2009 21:55:28 GMT

I really never thought this could happen to us.
and it really doesn't feel right.
I guess all I can say is "I'm sorry"...
because I really am, & I really want things to be right again.
but to be completely honest, you really hurt me...

Wed, 12 Nov 2008 04:02:34 GMT

today was a decent day off.
i want more mid-week days like this.
especially since yesterday i was ridiculously emo.
i miss zalman.

i am SO

Sun, 02 Nov 2008 17:42:31 GMT

excited for PxD Dare Night!

you all need to go RSVP to the facebook invite.
pronto. (=

Tue, 21 Oct 2008 02:47:10 GMT

okay. you guys were right.

where the hell is the pause button?

Wed, 15 Oct 2008 02:23:27 GMT

it would make me SO happy if my pierce class was cancelled for tomorrow.
like, SO happy...
i am extremely excited for senior skate night (now i'm kinda hoping i'm not disappointed though)
and i don't think sitting in a classroom for 2 hours is going to do me much good.

but i'm happy that i have a reverse minimum day. 20 minute classes that don't start until 11:50.
oksana... call me and tell me if you want a ride, i'd be happy to give you one!

okay. that's all.

OH NO. i have a question for anyone who reads this. (yahoo answers hasn't been very helpful. HA)
so i've heard this song on the radio like a billion times and i just want to know what it's called/who sings it...
it sounds like "oooh you don't know what you would give up"... but i'm pretty sure i've got those lyrics wrong.
anyway, if you happen to know the song, please let ME know.
<3

Thu, 09 Oct 2008 06:05:15 GMT

i really want to go to SFSU.
and i really want to rush. possibly with alpha phi. ?
we'll seeee....

Sat, 04 Oct 2008 20:14:46 GMT

i got my fall formal dress! i got my fall formal dress!

(=

now i just need to figure out how i'm going to wear my hair & i need some shoes!

<3

i for one,

Thu, 02 Oct 2008 01:22:29 GMT

CANNOT believe it's freakin october.
(=

Tue, 23 Sep 2008 02:10:28 GMT

oh no! i'm getting my cavities filled tomorrow. =/

hey folks...

Wed, 17 Sep 2008 07:59:36 GMT

it's that girl's (^) birthday! ya dig?
<3

(i only chose this particular collage because it was premade, and notice it is almost 1 am. i plan on elaborating on this post later, since i came across some pretty memory-provoking pictures!)

i love you alexis!!
have the happiest birthday ever.

Tue, 16 Sep 2008 22:29:46 GMT

my world is a rollercoaster.
i need to get better at calling my family. i'm such a terrible person.

i HATE being on lockdown like this. i feel like i'm on the verge of depression & it scares me, because it's completely out of my control...
i need to move out.

p.s.i really miss sally back.<333
... and everyone else, for that matter.

absolutely...

Sat, 13 Sep 2008 05:36:51 GMT

...unreal.

and insane.
and beautiful.
and magical.
and psychotic.
and questionable.
and emotional.
and perfect.
and wrong.
and noteworthy.
and unbelievable.

but i'm a believer.

wow.

Fri, 12 Sep 2008 23:10:10 GMT

my first full week of my senior year is finally OVER.
i can't remember the last time a week felt so long!
i'm exhausted; probably because i'm not conditioned to do ALL of my homework every night... i'm finally not so lazy anymore, and despite what my parents may think or say, i'm proud of myself.
i'm taking 6 classes to open doors for myself, to create opportunities.
i'm not putting up with these stupid kids for 8 hours a day to fuck around. i'm really serious about getting shit done this year, and when i put my mind to something, i do it.
& matt elliott came to visit today... we had a good talk. it's always nice to see old faces, but it made me miss everyone else that much more.

anyway, i'm going to the game tonight. hope it's fun & i don't pass out =/

meeting at 7 am tomorrow. FUCK.

<3

just another manic monday...

Tue, 09 Sep 2008 04:24:52 GMT

so here it was. the first monday of my senior year.
i was so ridiculously emotional from the second i woke up.
i had the most AMAZING dream imaginable. really, it made reality PAINFUL.
and i never remember my dreams, so that says something.
so i cried on the way to school...
thank goodness for that twin telepathy because alexis called me at the PERFECT time.
(thank you!)
and then my ASL class let out early & i was able to see my twin for about an hour.
that bitch made me cry!!!! )=
i miss the graduates SO much. i make it a point not to look over to your guys' old "spot" at lunch because you guys should be there!!!

it's okay though. i'm still "transitioning".

about my dream: i'm not going to go into detail, but let's just say it made me really think about things. at this point, i'll get hurt no matter what happens. so i'm going to keep on doing what i'm doing because it's making me happy for now. i didn't realize how much i wanted this. =/

anyway, tomorrow's the first official day in dance class. i'm just so curious...

<3

Thu, 04 Sep 2008 03:20:36 GMT

i am feeling so DRAINED right now.
for whatever reason, today took so much out of me.
i'm pretty sure it's because i found myself trying SO hard to be positive... we all know how i feel about high school, especially with all of last years graduates gone.
ready for the schedule (with commentary, of course)??

1. intro to psych: seems like it will be interesting enough... ms. spector reminds me of who i imagine snow white's mother to be like. and i agree with castro- TOO nice. but i think she likes me because i know alexis & oksana. woo hoo.

2. government: so it's round 2 with ms. zeitlin. she's the only teacher who found it necessary to give us homework the first night, but that's okay. i know how she grades & what she expects so i feel like an 'A' is a low hanging fruit on this tree.

(now, i like to refer to my next two classes as my "performing arts center", because they take place in the center of the day, and are both performing arts. duh.)
3. dance: *ahem* beginning dance... mrs. greene is on hiatus for first semester while she takes care of her newborn noah santana. which means... mr. mckinley is my teacher. at first i was disappointed that i was placed in beginning dance, but now that i see all these freshman and much less experienced dancers, i'm hoping that maybe they can learn from the girl who's been in intermediate for 2 years, and beginning in 1. plus, mr. mckinley can be tough, so i'm assuming he'll be less tough on us "beginners" haha...

4. drama: my teacher made me mad today. apparently we can't wear "open-toed shoes" (i.e. flip flops) in her class... she doesn't want us stubbing our toes. um, fuck that. i've been wearing flip flops for over 16 years of my life, and have managed not to stumble and fall. if i choose to wear them & risk facing consequences, so be it. but hell if i let any teacher tell me what shoes i can or cannot wear. other than that, i think it'll be a fun class. again, we have many freshmen. it's all too weird...

5. expository composition: okay, so i have to admit i had a really negative image of ms. madnick. turns out, she isn't so bad... so far. we'll see how it goes but i impressed her by using the word "crucial". taft students must have a much more limited vocabulary than i ever though possible. because, quite frankly, it's sad that an english teacher can be impressed by something so minor. whatevssss.

6. biology: yup, i am in a class with about 35 hispanic sophomores. at least i have amanda (veitch), because when they start throwing paper & acting like idiots, i need someone to make me look at the funny aspect of it all... i was stupid enough to get a D the first time around, so here i am again... another "round 2". although, i think something is wrong with mr. fagan... like, really. he seems a little slow.

so there ya have it.

on another note, why is it necessary for so many blonde boys to have the curly-ish hair? or even freakin mohawks!? just added a couple downers to my day. )=
maybe it was just a sign... like he was telling me he was there. but, of course, i already knew that. <3

happy first week, everyone.

interestingly enough...

Fri, 29 Aug 2008 10:07:29 GMT

i found myself on cnn.com at 1:30 am looking for speeches from the dnc that i had missed because i was at work.
maybe it's because i'm upset because i'm too young to vote by a MONTH, maybe it's because i'm thrilled to see how far this country has come (nominating a black president//having a race between a female & black candidate), or maybe it's because i feel that i can finally relate to an election, but in watching the dnc (sally, i surely hope you tuned in) i got really emotional; crying at speeches even.
9 years ago, my family was MUCH better off than they are now. my dad was employed. he was able to support himself, my mom, and me. within the past 8 years, my father has been laid off numerous times, my parents got divorced (a divorce strongly fueled by financial issues), all in all, i noticed a HUGE shift in lifestyle.
obviously it wouldn't be an immediate change, but electing obama would create many more possibilities for our country, that has really taken a turn for the worst.
like i said, i'm too young to vote by ONE MONTH. i can't tell you how hard it is for me, knowing that "every vote counts", not having the opportunity to have my voice heard. i don't want to see another 4 years of "the same"...
so i ask "my fellow americans", those of you that CAN vote, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do.
turning 18 doesn't increase your rights by much, but it does enable you to register.

vote.
thanks-on behalf of those of us who can't.

Fri, 22 Aug 2008 07:24:23 GMT

happy birthday zalman.
i love you and miss you more than you could ever possibly understand.
it's been really tough and i'm still trying to come to the realization that this is the first school year in 6 years that we won't be comparing teachers/classes on the first day. or ever for that matter.
even pre-registration was hard.
help me get through senior year.
i'll need you.
i'm visiting you later.
<3333

so...

Sun, 03 Aug 2008 06:06:21 GMT

i haven't updated in a while.
its going to be kinda long. seriously, don't even bother reading all this.
to start...

i'm currently craving chocolate.
and not a chocolate bar.
but like, souffle chocolate.
or a chocolate cake.

anyways,
i'm also the proud owner of an iphone.
not the new one or anything.
it was free because my stepdad owned it and got a new phone.
lucky me. it's amazing & beautiful & i've never been so happy with a phone. who would have thought? +
AT&T offered me free data/internet. niice.

however,
i'm in the process of relocating.
the reason for this being:
friday i didn't have my car because the adjustor from the insurance company was going to the repair
shop to check out the damages and get a total. (it costs $2,800 to fix! thank goodness for deductibles).
so my dad had picked me up from summer school because i'm spending the weekend with him. but
before i could come to stay, i needed to get some stuff from my mom's. so he dropped me off at my
mom's and i told him i'd call him when i was ready to go. so i'm walking into my building, and i see a
neighbor of mine i had never seen before walk out of the direction of my apartment. i thought this was
weird but didn't think much of it. once i got to my door (which was WIDE open), i hear the sound of a
waterfall. my dog is in her crate in the entrance to my apartment and my mom is on the phone freaking
out. i take a few more steps in, start to head to my room but notice a HUGE leak coming from the
apartment above us... right in our hallway! long story short, (a little late for that. if you're still reading
this, you seriously need a life) the entire kitchen was flooded as well. our brand new carpets now need
to be replaced and we kinda need someplace to stay.
so i ask you this: what could be better than the mariott at warner center!?!? sure, sure... there are
better hotels around, BUT this will be free and they have a pool & a workout room & i'll be able to sleep
in a little longer during the week since it's so close to school (=
and alexis brings up a good point: there have GOTTA be some cute out-of-towners, yes???
haha. this is kinda exciting.

so that's my current update.
i'm so lame. i have no life. it's a saturday night.
my excuse: (beside the fact that i'm grounded,) i have to open tomorrow *rolls eyes*
oh, and a work related update: i will no longer be in best buy mobile because apparently it's illegal for minors to sell phones. fuck that. not like the drama in the department is even worth it....

congratulations to you if you could sit there and read all that.

<3

LOLercoaster...

Wed, 23 Jul 2008 06:00:59 GMT

so funny story:
(to me, and i just wanted to document it. if you don't get it, i don't care)
a customer was HARDCORE flirting with lucky, right?
touching his leg and stuff hahaha
and after she leaves, i ask him what was up with all that.
michael had walked up at this point and overheard lucky and i talking
he asked what happened too.
lucky said "oh you should have heard some of the language she was using with me"
and i was like "oh man, yes i dooo"
so michael said "what did she say?"
and lucky said "oh i don't know if it's appropriate for your young ears" (he says this to michael)
michael and i immediately laugh because michael is like 2 1/2 weeks older than me hahaha
and we told lucky this, to which he laughed as well.
then he gets into "oh well, she said i had nice skin..."
and i look at michael and say "WOW he was right. i'm not sure you can handle all this..."
haha
then lucky goes on about some other sex related stuff she said.
her name was chase towers. haha
anyway, later (after lucky left), michael comes up to me and goes "hey mackie, can i talk dirty to you?"
and i was like "suure"
he goes "you have really nice skin"
with this suave look and shit hahahaha i immediately started laughing hysterically... and those of you that know me well know that when i find something REALLY funny, it takes me a while to STOP.
haha so i was laughing about that for a good 20 minutes.
it was goood.
other than that, not much else is new.
just felt like writing it.

normal?

Mon, 21 Jul 2008 22:29:22 GMT

so i was doing okay, you know, just cleaning until all of a sudden my mom walks in.
she says "i just talked to papa. he's glad you're okay but worried about how much the insurance is going to cost blahblahblah"
and i completely tensed up. she plops down on my bed and just SITS there saying nothing.
i'm rolling my eyes trying to make it obvious i don't want her in here, when she goes "i'm not leaving"
and i was like "uh, okay"
idk why she was just sitting there but whatever.
then she leaves, i get back on my computer, and all of a sudden i'm HAPPY.
genuinely happy, like i was before my accident.
weird.

Mon, 21 Jul 2008 21:10:32 GMT

i have a C in my class!
so i don't need to worry so much...

and now i don't feel so bad about not going to shira's, because the stories are incredible!!!

oh shit

Mon, 21 Jul 2008 07:33:05 GMT

watch me fail summer school )=
i feel this is a major possibility at this point.
shit.

since it's already too late for 2008:

Mon, 21 Jul 2008 04:59:48 GMT

i vow to make 2009 the BEST fucking year i've ever experienced.
i will be 18.
nothing will hold me back.
just because i'll still be living at home and still be in high school, it'll be MY life.
i won't do anything too stupid.
i will make the currently impossible possible.
i will live life to the fullest, just like i wish i could be doing right now.
i will apply to colleges too far to live at home.
i will figure out how to afford it.
and to my last summer in high school, fuck you.
you were so amazing, but took a wrong turn. literally.
i want you to be over so 2009 can come THAT much quicker.
what happens today won't matter tomorrow.
the future is full of endless possibilities.
i have so much LIFE ahead of me.

Sun, 20 Jul 2008 07:12:30 GMT

i find myself crying over zalman again.
i was starting to come to terms with it all.
then i passed his house, and he was so present in my life yet again.
and an event hasn't gone by even since he was sick that i haven't asked myself
"what would zalman say/do?"
or that i haven't thought to myself
"i wish i could tell zalman".

so much has gone in/is going on in my life lately that i would love to talk to zalman about.
i just feel like it's so unfair.
and i know i'm not the only one going through this.
what did we all do to deserve losing such an amazing incredible indescribably perfect friend?
seriously. tell me.

Sat, 19 Jul 2008 21:23:22 GMT

my senior pictures came in the mail today...
they were terrible.

i already scheduled a hair cut for tomorrow and a resitting for august 6th.

i hate how some stupid pictures can make me take a second look at myself.
i was wearing like NO makeup that day- guess it really is a necessity