I really never thought this could happen to us.
and it really doesn't feel right.
I guess all I can say is "I'm sorry"...
because I really am, & I really want things to be right again.
but to be completely honest, you really hurt me...

today was a decent day off.
i want more mid-week days like this.
especially since yesterday i was ridiculously emo.
i miss zalman.

excited for PxD Dare Night!

you all need to go RSVP to the facebook invite.
pronto. (=

okay. you guys were right.

where the hell is the pause button?

it would make me SO happy if my pierce class was cancelled for tomorrow.
like, SO happy...
i am extremely excited for senior skate night (now i'm kinda hoping i'm not disappointed though)
and i don't think sitting in a classroom for 2 hours is going to do me much good.

but i'm happy that i have a reverse minimum day. 20 minute classes that don't start until 11:50.
oksana... call me and tell me if you want a ride, i'd be happy to give you one!

okay. that's all.

OH NO. i have a question for anyone who reads this. (yahoo answers hasn't been very helpful. HA)
so i've heard this song on the radio like a billion times and i just want to know what it's called/who sings it...
it sounds like "oooh you don't know what you would give up"... but i'm pretty sure i've got those lyrics wrong.
anyway, if you happen to know the song, please let ME know.
<3

i really want to go to SFSU.
and i really want to rush. possibly with alpha phi. ?
we'll seeee....

i got my fall formal dress! i got my fall formal dress!

(=

now i just need to figure out how i'm going to wear my hair & i need some shoes!

<3

CANNOT believe it's freakin october.
(=

oh no! i'm getting my cavities filled tomorrow. =/

it's that girl's (^) birthday! ya dig?
<3

(i only chose this particular collage because it was premade, and notice it is almost 1 am. i plan on elaborating on this post later, since i came across some pretty memory-provoking pictures!)

i love you alexis!!
have the happiest birthday ever.

my world is a rollercoaster.
i need to get better at calling my family. i'm such a terrible person.

i HATE being on lockdown like this. i feel like i'm on the verge of depression & it scares me, because it's completely out of my control...
i need to move out.



p.s.i really miss sally back.<333
... and everyone else, for that matter.

...unreal.

and insane.
and beautiful.
and magical.
and psychotic.
and questionable.
and emotional.
and perfect.
and wrong.
and noteworthy.
and unbelievable.

but i'm a believer.

my first full week of my senior year is finally OVER.
i can't remember the last time a week felt so long!
i'm exhausted; probably because i'm not conditioned to do ALL of my homework every night... i'm finally not so lazy anymore, and despite what my parents may think or say, i'm proud of myself.
i'm taking 6 classes to open doors for myself, to create opportunities.
i'm not putting up with these stupid kids for 8 hours a day to fuck around. i'm really serious about getting shit done this year, and when i put my mind to something, i do it.
& matt elliott came to visit today... we had a good talk. it's always nice to see old faces, but it made me miss everyone else that much more.

anyway, i'm going to the game tonight. hope it's fun & i don't pass out =/

meeting at 7 am tomorrow. FUCK.

<3

so here it was. the first monday of my senior year.
i was so ridiculously emotional from the second i woke up.
i had the most AMAZING dream imaginable. really, it made reality PAINFUL.
and i never remember my dreams, so that says something.
so i cried on the way to school...
thank goodness for that twin telepathy because alexis called me at the PERFECT time.
(thank you!)
and then my ASL class let out early & i was able to see my twin for about an hour.
that bitch made me cry!!!! )=
i miss the graduates SO much. i make it a point not to look over to your guys' old "spot" at lunch because you guys should be there!!!

it's okay though. i'm still "transitioning".

about my dream: i'm not going to go into detail, but let's just say it made me really think about things. at this point, i'll get hurt no matter what happens. so i'm going to keep on doing what i'm doing because it's making me happy for now. i didn't realize how much i wanted this. =/

anyway, tomorrow's the first official day in dance class. i'm just so curious...


<3

i am feeling so DRAINED right now.
for whatever reason, today took so much out of me.
i'm pretty sure it's because i found myself trying SO hard to be positive... we all know how i feel about high school, especially with all of last years graduates gone.
ready for the schedule (with commentary, of course)??
( for.your.viewing.pleasure... )

i found myself on cnn.com at 1:30 am looking for speeches from the dnc that i had missed because i was at work.
maybe it's because i'm upset because i'm too young to vote by a MONTH, maybe it's because i'm thrilled to see how far this country has come (nominating a black president//having a race between a female & black candidate), or maybe it's because i feel that i can finally relate to an election, but in watching the dnc (sally, i surely hope you tuned in) i got really emotional; crying at speeches even.
9 years ago, my family was MUCH better off than they are now. my dad was employed. he was able to support himself, my mom, and me. within the past 8 years, my father has been laid off numerous times, my parents got divorced (a divorce strongly fueled by financial issues), all in all, i noticed a HUGE shift in lifestyle.
obviously it wouldn't be an immediate change, but electing obama would create many more possibilities for our country, that has really taken a turn for the worst.
like i said, i'm too young to vote by ONE MONTH. i can't tell you how hard it is for me, knowing that "every vote counts", not having the opportunity to have my voice heard. i don't want to see another 4 years of "the same"...
so i ask "my fellow americans", those of you that CAN vote, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do.
turning 18 doesn't increase your rights by much, but it does enable you to register.

vote.
thanks-on behalf of those of us who can't.

happy birthday zalman.
i love you and miss you more than you could ever possibly understand.
it's been really tough and i'm still trying to come to the realization that this is the first school year in 6 years that we won't be comparing teachers/classes on the first day. or ever for that matter.
even pre-registration was hard.
help me get through senior year.
i'll need you.
i'm visiting you later.
<3333

i haven't updated in a while.
its going to be kinda long. seriously, don't even bother reading all this.
to start...


i'm currently craving chocolate.
and not a chocolate bar.
but like, souffle chocolate.
or a chocolate cake.

anyways,
i'm also the proud owner of an iphone.
not the new one or anything.
it was free because my stepdad owned it and got a new phone.
lucky me. it's amazing & beautiful & i've never been so happy with a phone. who would have thought? +
AT&T offered me free data/internet. niice.

however,
i'm in the process of relocating.
the reason for this being:
friday i didn't have my car because the adjustor from the insurance company was going to the repair
shop to check out the damages and get a total. (it costs $2,800 to fix! thank goodness for deductibles).
so my dad had picked me up from summer school because i'm spending the weekend with him. but
before i could come to stay, i needed to get some stuff from my mom's. so he dropped me off at my
mom's and i told him i'd call him when i was ready to go. so i'm walking into my building, and i see a
neighbor of mine i had never seen before walk out of the direction of my apartment. i thought this was
weird but didn't think much of it. once i got to my door (which was WIDE open), i hear the sound of a
waterfall. my dog is in her crate in the entrance to my apartment and my mom is on the phone freaking
out. i take a few more steps in, start to head to my room but notice a HUGE leak coming from the
apartment above us... right in our hallway! long story short, (a little late for that. if you're still reading
this, you seriously need a life) the entire kitchen was flooded as well. our brand new carpets now need
to be replaced and we kinda need someplace to stay.
so i ask you this: what could be better than the mariott at warner center!?!? sure, sure... there are
better hotels around, BUT this will be free and they have a pool & a workout room & i'll be able to sleep
in a little longer during the week since it's so close to school (=
and alexis brings up a good point: there have GOTTA be some cute out-of-towners, yes???
haha. this is kinda exciting.

so that's my current update.
i'm so lame. i have no life. it's a saturday night.
my excuse: (beside the fact that i'm grounded,) i have to open tomorrow *rolls eyes*
oh, and a work related update: i will no longer be in best buy mobile because apparently it's illegal for minors to sell phones. fuck that. not like the drama in the department is even worth it....

congratulations to you if you could sit there and read all that.

<3

so funny story:
(to me, and i just wanted to document it. if you don't get it, i don't care)
a customer was HARDCORE flirting with lucky, right?
touching his leg and stuff hahaha
and after she leaves, i ask him what was up with all that.
michael had walked up at this point and overheard lucky and i talking
he asked what happened too.
lucky said "oh you should have heard some of the language she was using with me"
and i was like "oh man, yes i dooo"
so michael said "what did she say?"
and lucky said "oh i don't know if it's appropriate for your young ears" (he says this to michael)
michael and i immediately laugh because michael is like 2 1/2 weeks older than me hahaha
and we told lucky this, to which he laughed as well.
then he gets into "oh well, she said i had nice skin..."
and i look at michael and say "WOW he was right. i'm not sure you can handle all this..."
haha
then lucky goes on about some other sex related stuff she said.
her name was chase towers. haha
anyway, later (after lucky left), michael comes up to me and goes "hey mackie, can i talk dirty to you?"
and i was like "suure"
he goes "you have really nice skin"
with this suave look and shit hahahaha i immediately started laughing hysterically... and those of you that know me well know that when i find something REALLY funny, it takes me a while to STOP.
haha so i was laughing about that for a good 20 minutes.
it was goood.
other than that, not much else is new.
just felt like writing it.

so i was doing okay, you know, just cleaning until all of a sudden my mom walks in.
she says "i just talked to papa. he's glad you're okay but worried about how much the insurance is going to cost blahblahblah"
and i completely tensed up. she plops down on my bed and just SITS there saying nothing.
i'm rolling my eyes trying to make it obvious i don't want her in here, when she goes "i'm not leaving"
and i was like "uh, okay"
idk why she was just sitting there but whatever.
then she leaves, i get back on my computer, and all of a sudden i'm HAPPY.
genuinely happy, like i was before my accident.
weird.